Steven Sez:

So Long From Here

Wed, 21 May 2008 03:30:58 GMT

Hi there. Been a while. No telling how long. Could be months, could be years. This post is going to every blog I can recall ever having. Here’s why.

I’ve decided to write again, just … not here. For a while I posted at multiple blogsites – I’m not going to do that this time, because my primary reason for writing this time is not for you. It’s for me. Long story - I might post something about it someday. But I thought that maybe you might want to tag along to see what I have to say.

I like to read, and one of my favorite works is the graphic novel Transmetropolitan by Warren Ellis. At one point late in the book, the main character, Spider Jerusalem, is interrogating another character named Fred Christ. The questioning is more of the “kick ass first, ask questions later” kind of inquiry, and Spider’s getting frustrated at Fred’s unwillingness to answer his questions. Spider breaks the leg off of a chair, applies it with extreme prejudice to Fred’s skull four times, then holds it over his head like a truncheon and exclaims:

“Listen to the chair leg of truth! It does not lie! What does it say? It says ‘Shut up Fred’! Can you hear it?”

I laughed uncontrollably for five minutes when I first read those words. They were just so funny, so out there, so perfectly insane, that I’ve carried them in my heart ever since.

My new blog is at http://chairlegoftruth.livejournal.com – stop by sometime and say hello, add me if you like and I'll add you too.

And with that, I’m signing off, never to use this blog again.

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 16:32:57 GMT

(cross-posted everywhere)

Those of you that have been reading my blog for some time through its many versions and names will know that, every once in a while, I change the name of my blog, particularly on LiveJournal, as the mood of my writing changes. Recently I have been writing under three blogs: unempassioned (LJ), eddaboy (Xanga), and snorri_hallsson (Yahoo! 360). For months, I have done just what I’ve done with this entry: written a master copy of my words in Microsoft Word, then cut and pasted all across the World Wide Web. My virtual stickum knows no bounds.

You’ll also know that I haven’t been writing lately, which is a sure sign that something needs to change to kick start me back into writing regularly. My therapist wills it so.

And so, with this entry, I am closing the three aforementioned blogs and opening two new blogs on LiveJournal and Xanga, both named

steven_hall.

I know it’s a pain to subscribe to a new journal. I hope you’ll take the time to do it, because, well, sometimes I like to think I’m entertaining, at least. If nothing else, catch up with an old friend.

I’m taking this step for two reasons. First, it’s time to move on from the journals I have. They were getting to be burdensome to me and I really wasn’t living up to their themes anymore. Second, I’m always going to be Steven, no matter who I play in the SCA or what name I’m known as online. Writing in a journal that bears my given name lets me be honest about myself and what I’m writing about, without having to come up with a theme or stick to a particular writing style that I committed to at the beginning of each blog. This lets me be free to be me.

So there’s that. To those of you that I will be writing to for the last time, farewell. To those of you that I will be writing to again, glad you’re coming along for the ride. And to those of you that are reading me for the first time, welcome!

From Birth To Graduation I Waited Again

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 18:15:53 GMT

(cross-posted)

In 1989 I read a book called The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett. According to Mr. Follett’s website: “In a time of civil war, famine and religious strife, there rises a magnificent Cathedral in Kingsbridge. Against this backdrop, lives entwine: Tom, the master builder, Aliena, the noblewoman, Philip, the prior of Kingsbridge, Jack, the artist in stone and Ellen, the woman from the forest who casts a curse. At once, this is a sensuous and enduring love story and an epic that shines with the fierce spirit of a passionate age.” Set in 12th century England, and nestled in between actual historical events, this work of fiction is a sweeping tale of “murder, arson, treachery, torture, love and lust” (New York Daily News) and “action, intrigue, violence, and passion” (Publishers Weekly).

Those are the words of others on the subject. In my own words, The Pillars of the Earth is, quite simply, my favorite novel of all. I own the work in beloved hardcover, dog-eared paperback, and unabridged 40-hour audiocassette, which I indulge myself in the guilty pleasure of listening to at least once a year, and sometimes twice. I just finished listening to it a couple of weeks ago, so the characters and settings are still fresh in my mind.

If you are interested, you can read more about The Pillars of the Earth at http://www.ken-follett.com/bibliography/the_pillars_of_the_earth.html. If I’ve tempted you already, you can read the prologue at http://www.ken-follett.com/pote/prologue.html and most of the first chapter at http://www.ken-follett.com/pote/excerpt.html, and that should be plenty to get you hooked on the novel.

So, why am I choosing today to tell you about a novel that’s 18 years old?

After receiving many letters requesting more about Kingsbridge and its citizens, three years ago Mr. Follett began working on a sequel to The Pillars of the Earth, entitled World Without End. From the website:

“On the day after Halloween, in the year 1327, four children slip away from the cathedral city of Kingsbridge. They are a thief, a bully, a boy genius and a girl who wants to be a doctor. In the forest they see two men killed.

As adults, their lives will be braided together by ambition, love, greed and revenge. They will see prosperity and famine, plague and war. One boy will travel the world but come home in the end; the other will be a powerful, corrupt nobleman. One girl will defy the might of the medieval church; the other will pursue an impossible love. And always they will live under the long shadow of the unexplained killing they witnessed on that fateful childhood day.”

I have been waiting 18 years for World Without End, as I read The Pillars of the Earth in its first edition.

And today, my wait has come to an end.

October 9, 2007: World Without End is released in the United States.

9:00 a.m.: Barnes and Noble opens its doors.

9:11 a.m. (according to the receipt): I purchase World Without End. By my observation of their display, I am the first to purchase the book from this particular store. I have a fanboy moment. It passes in about 90 seconds, which, coincidentally enough, is how long a moment officially is. Remember that when you tell someone you’ll be back in “a few moments,” “a few” is technically at least three, and “moment” is 90 seconds, so “a few moments” is a period of time no less than four and a half minutes. I digress.

Anyway, I’ve read Part One, and it is very good. I’m making myself take in World Without End little by little, as opposed to the night I spent reading The Pillars of the Earth because I literally could not put the book down. (I remember wanting to go to bed early to get up and see the sunrise; I saw the sunrise alright, it came up over the top of the book.) I’ll read another chapter or two tonight, and again each night until I finish. I’ll let you know how it is when I’m done.

P.S. If you’re interested, you can read part of the first chapter of World Without End at http://www.ken-follett.com/excerpts/world_without_end.html.

Bullet Time

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 07:13:00 GMT

Hi. It’s been a while. Remember me? I’m the guy that used to write in this space. I’m back. Where have I been? Let me explain. No, takes too long, let me sum up. I have:

• seen the pharmacy move from one side of the store to the other because of a remodel. I’d say I helped the pharmacy move, but I got lucky and didn’t get called to come in overnight to move the place, well, overnight.

• bought tickets for the Police concert July 5! Yay!

• checked myself into an outpatient mental health facility because of chronic depression and anxiety.

• been rushed to the hospital because of chest pains and subsequently had an angiogram and been diagnosed with borderline coronary artery disease. (No, it was not a heart attack.) Bummer.

• checked myself inpatient at aforementioned mental health facility because of general homicidal and suicidal ideations. Double bummer.

• checked out of said inpatient facility and back into outpatient.

• been terminated by the pharmacy for not turning in leave paperwork I never received. Screw ‘em!

• checked out of said outpatient facility.

• flown to North Carolina to be with my mother during a hospital stay of her own.

• missed the Police concert July 5 because of said flight. Dammit!

• flown back to Illinois.

• gone back to work at the church part-time.

• started seeing a therapist. (Professionally, you perverts.)

• started looking into disability because of my mental state.

• become a treehugger. Yay!

• discovered what I want to major in when I finally get around to going to school. Double yay!

• seen “Weird Al” Yankovic in concert as an early anniversary present. Yay!

• had a whole lot of days where I moped around the house, not doing anything but goofing off on the computer and fighting down anxiety about the growing stress in my life and even worse anxiety about doing something about the stress in my life. Meanwhile, I’m at Guinness Book levels of apathy, which really explains why I haven’t written.

Each one of these things is a story in its own right, even though the story may be small. I don’t have time to write everything down for you people, and you don’t have the time to read it. I’m lucky if you made it this far. If you want to hear about my life in detail, leave me a comment, I’ll post about what interests you to save time.

And Choirs of Therapists Sang

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 13:45:30 GMT

(cross-posted)

Wow, soooo much to report since my last post.

First off, the weather is finally nice for a couple of days at least – the high yesterday was almost 70! – and it’s been beautiful. I think that helped bring about the epiphany I had last night. Let me set part of the scene for you: I’m driving home from work at the church, it’s 8:20 at night …

Psst!

… I’m driving down a windy country road with the windows down, there’s light traffic, and I’m lost in thought …

Hey!

What? I’m in the middle of an epiphany here!

What are you doing driving home from work at 8:20 p.m.? Aren’t you more of a 4:00 or 5:00 kinda guy?

Well, yes, Crazy Split Alternate Self for the Sake of Argument, I was, that was until … wait for it … I GOT A JOB!!! In My Field, no less!

That’s right, mild mannered readers, yours truly has finally defeated the anxiety demon that has plagued me since the last hospital pharmacy job back in 2004. (To explain the demon fully would give it power and give you far more than you want to read. Suffice it to say that it has resulted in my being hospitalized twice and has been so severe that I didn’t want to leave the house for weeks. This, for the record, was in Houston before we left for Illinois. Such is the power of friendship. Thanks so much for pulling me out when nothing else could, guys, you know who you are.)

So, about the job: it’s a retail gig, which I’ve never had before. Hours are anywhere from 24-30 a week. Because of my national certification, they expect me to qualify for their in-house Level II qualification within 3-6 months, so there’s a raise soon if I buckle down and remember the stuff I forgot (and oh, the stuff I’ve forgotten). The money’s right now not as good as I’m getting from the church, but I only work 10 hours a week at the church. I’m going to try to keep both jobs as long as I can.

Yesterday was my second day on the new job. It was nice to be able to get back into a work flow of sorts, now understanding the basics of their computer system that let me enter prescriptions and the register at the end of sale. It was busy, which was good – the day went fast and I had forgotten my wallet. So I ran home at the end of that shift, picked up my wallet, a Mountain Dew, checked our balance on the computer for weirdness (just in case), and headed out for the church, stopping long enough for a quick Mickey D’s drive-through. Got to the church, knocked out three hours of thankfully familiar work there, then turned toward home. And it was on the way, driving at 8:20 at night down a windy country road with the windows down, light traffic, and lost in thought, that I have my epiphany.

It’s a feeling of overwhelming goodness, like I have accomplished something with my day. I haven’t felt it since I was at Southwest Hospital, and I realize I miss it terribly. I think to myself “Yes, more like this, I think” as I slink through winding tree lined curves heading toward open fields, less tired than I should be, suddenly ready to conquer the next hurdle in my path.

Squee!!!

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 16:06:22 GMT

(cross-posted)

37 year old men should not make this noise. But I’m going to anyway.

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Once again, I am a fanboy.

Let me take you back to 1983. I am a freshman in high school, and I get an offer to buy tickets to see the Police on their Synchronicity tour. I pass them up, thinking that “I don’t have the money and I’ll just see them when they come around again.” The tickets, for the record, turn out to be second row seats, I find out later after they’re sold.

Move forward to 1986. The Police reenter the studio and only come up with new versions of two previously released songs – no new material. Though there’s not an official breakup, the Police would not reunite again in public until 2003 for their induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

So much for that next tour.

Now it’s 2007. Unless you’ve been living under a rock or don’t care about the music industry, you’ve heard that the Police have reunited to be the opening act of the 49th Grammy Awards last Sunday (two days ago). The performance was short, but marvelous, a blend of Roxanne with elements of Driven to Tears in the music. The declaration was resounding: “We’re the Police, and we’re back!” Yesterday, the Police performed at the Whisky A Go Go and there announced a World Tour. While the date hasn’t been confirmed yet, there will be a show in Chicago.

Remember that “next tour?”

Oh freakin’ squee.

The Triumphant Hero Returns From ... Nowhere, Really

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 15:05:05 GMT

(cross-posted and long-winded, but it’s been a while – remember me?)

So – I should post more often. I just looked back and realized – it’s been 90 days since I last cross posted anything, and anything could happen in that time. The major synopsis: laziness for three months. There hasn’t been anything exciting to write about in my journals all this time, so I haven’t written anything. I cam sum up the last 90 days in one paragraph:

Had a splendid anniversary with my DW, we went to the Melting Pot a few towns over and blew the budget for a week or two but had an incredibly fun time in a very private setting. Mom was in town for Thanksgiving and we had the big dinner, which was not the traditional dinner of either family – we went looking for recipes to try and was *well* rewarded for it. Had a good visit with Mom. We stayed home for Christmas, opting not to get caught up in the drive-to-Ohio-spend-Christmas-morning-with-family-drive-back-Christmas-night-go-to-work-the-next-day trap. Instead, we drove to Kenosha (much shorter trip than Akron) and had a very good meal with SCA friends, followed by the traditional … ZOMBIE MOVIES! New Year’s Eve was also great fun, and would have been much more fun if I wasn’t dognasty tired to begin with and thus a little antisocial by definition at the party we went to full of SCAdians. (elusivecallie, I’m sorry I was a grumpy bump the whole time … can you forgive me?) We’ve been planning a trip to Disney World with the two of us and my mom, originally for December of this year, but we’ve now set it back to December 2008 to give us more time to save money without wreaking havoc on both of our budgets – also, to give us more time to save more money!

So there, in a nutshell, is the past 90 days. We got some good loot for Christmas, found out that they really do mean *get there early* for the choir concert and the Christmas Eve Candlelight Service at church, and shared the meaning of “happyulichristmahanzikwanikaholidays” with our fellow man. (Just try that. It’s a mouthful. Happyulichristmahanzikwanikaholidays. Whew.)

So my New Year’s Resolutions, because you gotta make some, are, in no particular order or priority: I’m going to get a better job than what I have, paying more and with more and better hours. I’m going to eat less and healthier. I’m going to start exercising. I’m going to start showing a little fiscal responsibility this year, and I’m going to start saving in earnest (for the Disney World trip). I’m going to replace my wardrobe unless I started wearing it in the last couple of years or so. I’m going to spend more time with my wife, doing things she wants to do. I’m going to spend less time online, wasting my life in chat rooms, confusing them for a real life. I’m going to make a concerted effort to remember that my life matters to people out there and that I’m missed when I go three months without posting, even when I don’t hear anything back that says so.

So there. I’ve posted. Aren’t you happy? I bet your pets are wagging their tails or purring at your right now in a show of solidarity. Go pet them. They love you.

Weather Report

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 15:35:48 GMT

(cross-posted)

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted. Sorry for the delays and suspense.

The hand has healed up nicely, though there’ll be slight scarring on both fingers. I haven’t needed to use the scar treatments since the natural scar was much less than what I thought it would be.

The interview with the headhunter agency led to a second interview with the company. In that interview, it turned out there were three positions they were hiring for, not one. It also turned out that the hours were not as represented – start times could go anywhere from 7:30 to 10:30 am. Evening and Saturday work wasn’t out of the question either. The emphasis seemed to be much more on customer service than on pharmacy technology. In short, the positions seemed to be somewhat misrepresented to the agency, so I left with less than a positive feeling about them. I wasn’t terribly upset when the agency called the next day to say the company wasn’t going to pursue me further. To be honest, I’m glad that worked out the way that it did. I wasn’t crazy about doing call center work in the first place, and my primary interest in this position was the hours, which weren’t what I thought they were. Anyway … since then, work’s been crazy and hasn’t let me concentrate on pursuing a new job, since my hours have been very touch-and-go (“I need you to come in tomorrow morning” calls at 8:30 pm, for instance). That’s finally calmed down this week, so I can start looking again. Continued wishes of good luck would be appreciated.

Today is October 12. It’s 29 degrees outside. It’s a nice, brisk day, and it’s snowing outside. There’s a light accumulation – enough to cover the grass, but not enough to make the roads nasty. It’s pretty outside. I love cold weather, so I’d like to be out in it. Instead, I’m inside, doing laundry and other assorted housework. Oh well. Just knowing it’s coming makes me smile.

Bad News, Good News

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 13:38:50 GMT

(cross-posted)

I should catch you up on something that happened a couple weeks ago. Long story short, I forgot two of the basic rules of cooking: never heat oil to high, and never put your hand over the superheated oil to put food – specifically, beef – into the pot. The oil naturally splattered, and I have “pretty good,” in the words of my doctor, second degree burns from the first to the second knuckle on both the middle and ring fingers of my right hand. They’re both healing nicely now, but it was a chore to get here, as one of the blisters accidentally ripped off early on and I had to keep it covered and such. Scar therapy will soon ensue, and three or four times a day for the next three to six months I’m going to look like Renfeld, rubbing my hands together for minutes on end. I have Mederma and I have vitamin E capsules; if anyone else out there has a better idea, I’m all ears.

So, bad news out of the way. Now the good news. I had an interview yesterday! It was with a headhunter agency, but they seemed very satisfied with what they saw, and I know from subsequent phone calls that my references worked out well. The position is essentially a call center type job, where I’d be on the phone taking prescriptions and entering them into the computer, then calling their doctor and verifying them before sending them on to be filled by another department. It’s a contract-to-hire position, and it’s not as hands on as I would initially like, but it’s work, it has a $4,100-8,300 raise within a year once the job goes permanent, and it’s 8:00-4:30 Monday through Friday – hours that are very rare to get in the pharmacy industry. I am waiting to hear back from the company to find out when I get the interview, so keep your fingers crossed for me!

Once More Into The Breach

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 22:05:13 GMT

(cross-posted)

Back in May 2004, I left my last full-time job due to stress, anxiety and depression. I’ve been hospitalized twice since then. It’s been a very long road filled with bumps, panic, setbacks, medication, medication changes, therapy, and in the end, a lot of progress. In October 2005 I started working on a volunteer basis at our church and that turned into a part-time job. Today I started the last step before my “recovery” is complete, according to my therapist.

Today I sent out resumes for a full-time position. Several resumes, actually, but the point is that I’m starting to look for a full-time job again.

Bells and whistles didn’t go off – that won’t happen until I actually get a job. But I do feel like I’ve accomplished something big today, and I wanted to toot my horn about it.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been out looking for a job – the current one found me, remember. I’m nervous. Wish me luck.

Texas Meme

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 13:57:10 GMT

You are 71% REAL Texan!!

You're way more Texan than average. You're parents were probably from here too. We're glad to have you. You probably go to the border for Christmas shopping and are well versed in BBQ, Mexican Food and .. well thats pretty much it.

How Texan Are You?

Not bad for a guy that spent 26 years in North Carolina before moving to Houston. I suppose I qualify for one of those stickers that says "I'm not a native Texan (but I got here as fast as I could)."

Weird Thing Meme

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 18:22:55 GMT

So I usually don’t do these sorts of things, but I have the absolute highest esteem for the person that sent me this, so I’m playing along.

Rules: Each player of this game starts with six weird things/habits about themselves. People who get tagged have to write in their own blog six weird things/habits as well as clearly state this rule. At the end you need to choose six people and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "Tag, you're it!" and tell them to read your blog.

So: six weird things about me.

1. I clench and grind my teeth during the day, usually to keep time to music.

2. I never really liked peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

3. I was once tricked into eating pork brains once. By my father. I was six. I’ve never trusted another human being about the contents of food until the SCA came along and even then I usually insist on knowing what’s in what before I eat it.

4. I have a tongue fetish. This is not something necessarily secret from everyone, just weird. What’s really weird is that it was Tracey Ullman that triggered it.

5. Many people know me as a bard and know that I rarely shy away from an audience. What they don’t know is when I first face an audience, any audience, for any reason, I have to fight down the worst case of stage fright imaginable … every … single … time. There are times when I’ve claimed a bad voice on days when I can’t conquer the demon.

6. I have an extra ankle bone in each foot. It’s not visible, but it shows on an X-ray.

I'm tagging two per blogsite for a total of six. From LJ … metyldapryde and dyanearden. From Xanga … glindagood and bardboy. From Yahoo 360 … pahntheer9 and juliecunningham65.

Anniversary

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 04:23:16 GMT

(cross-posted)

I remember what I was doing a year ago today. I was discussing with S and K & M, the two dear, dear friends that came up here with us when we moved, how idiotic our movers were, how impressed that we had guys running up and down steps two at the time to move our boxes in, how much they didn’t know what heat was because we’d just left it in Texas.

We’ve been here a year.

I’ve discovered that I like being away from the fast urban pace in Houston. During the entire time I was in Texas I never lived more than two miles from an interstate, and most of that time I was within a half-mile of one. There are no interstates in the county I currently live in, even though we’re considered part of Chicagoland. I may be wrong, but I don’t believe that I’ve had the car over 70 since we moved in – if so, it was on the freeway to O’Hare to keep from being run over.

I’ve discovered that I like seasons again. The fall was gorgeous with a spectacular show of foliage turning, and the winter was mild, they say, mostly because we didn’t get much snow. It got down to 12 below once and I had an answer for that – stay inside by the fire as much as possible. I actually like cold weather. The spring was pleasant and the summer so far has been milder than what Houston gets, especially for humidity. (Right now it’s quarter after 1:00 and it’s 91 degrees with 47% humidity.) It beats having to have the air conditioning on eleven months out of the year, for sure.

I’ve discovered a church that I’m attending. I started going for the opportunity to meet people in the community but stuck around for what I was hearing from the pulpit. It made me think a lot and still does. (Without going into too much detail, my spiritual beliefs are very loose and haven’t involved a church for years because organized religion tends to pigeonhole one into a set manner of thinking, which I refuse to do. This church, a Unitarian Universalist church, lets me develop my beliefs freely on my own time while giving me a congregation of people to commune with, to share ideas with, and to be socially conscious with.)

I haven’t discovered much of the SCA here. Funds have been tight and the local group holds its fighter practice – one of its few regular activities – in the next county. The people there that we’ve met are nice enough, but trying to get from church to fighter practice can be tough on a Sunday afternoon, especially when we have things that we need to be doing around the house. I’ve only been to two events while I’ve been here, and I’ve forgotten almost my entire bardic repertoire.

I haven’t discovered school yet, which was one of the reasons for moving. Without going into too much detail, there are certain conditions that need to exist in our house before we can start school, and we haven’t met those conditions yet. We’re making progress on them, however. One of the conditions I can tell you about is that S goes to school before I do, so it will be some time before I can send out invitations to my baccalaureate.

I’ve discovered perfect loneliness. When I left Texas I had a network of friends that stretched the state, people that on a weekly basis made me feel good to be alive just because I was around them, having fun. There were people that knew me that I didn’t know, but I treated them like good friends because they were people and people deserve being treated well. It’s amazing how much of a positive experience that was to draw from. And now, being away from that for a year, it’s like a man starving, and it’s definitely had an effect on me. I’ve missed my friends so much I’ve cried on more than one occasion, now being one of them.

So the overall review is: the place is nice, the weather is great, and we’re working towards that school goal – but we’d trade it to be with our friends again.

What a year.

Ten Questions

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 01:09:25 GMT

(cross-posted)

I like “Inside The Actors Studio” on Bravo. James Lipton hosts a Q&A with a different star or stars each episode (he’s done over 180 ranging from Paul Newman to the cast of “The Simpsons”) and asks them questions about themselves and their approaches to their craft in front of a studio audience made up of students from Pace University, who at the end of the episode get to ask their questions of the guest(s). If you can catch it this weekend, the new episode on Sunday night will feature Hugh Laurie from House.

James Lipton asks the same ten questions of his guests before turning them over to the students. These questions originated with Bernard Pivot, the French journalist, during his television show “Boullion de culture.” I like them, so I thought I’d start my own little questionnaire. Post your answers in your journal, encourage that it gets passed along. The answers can be witty, insightful, and revealing. At least, I think mine are.

1. What is your favorite word? Laughter.

2. What is your least favorite word? Nigger.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Good music.

4. What turns you off? Bad noise.

5. What is your favorite curse word? There’s so much to be said for “fuck.”

6. What sound or noise do you love? My wife’s laughter.

7. What sound or noise do you hate? The sound of my own voice inside my head, because it’s usually negative.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Surgical nurse.

9. What profession would you not like to do? Roughneck.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “So we had some differences. You lived a good life. Come on in anyway.”

In Which I Talk About Drugs

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 17:49:54 GMT

(cross-posted)

Thanks to everyone that posted comments last week. They were, and continue to be very helpful. My therapist was quite pleased with the response as well and commented on what a good network of friends I have. Those of you in Texas – I really miss you guys.

Lately I’ve been spending some time working on refreshing my memory on being a pharmacy technician again. I’ve been out of the field for over two years and that’s a long time to forget a lot of stuff. A good deal of what I’ve been studying has been the drugs themselves, obviously. As a pharmacy tech we have to know both the generic and brand names for the drugs and the therapeutic classifications for them as well. For example, the drug buproprion has been released as Wellbutrin, Wellbutrin SR, and Wellbutrin XL as an antidepressant, but it’s also been released under the brand name Zyban as a smoking deterrent. (It’s helpful to know the dosage forms for the drugs too, especially in a case like this, because Zyban only has one dosage form while Wellbutrin has many.) Now, remember this is just one drug – I’m trying to refresh my memory on 200 of them. There’s a good deal of other stuff too – how to read a prescription, pharmacy law, safety guidelines, etc. It gets boring and making sure I spend time every day studying tests my self-discipline (remember, I spent a year and a half out on sick leave – it’s easy to let things like a daily schedule go) but I’m slowly getting there.

Lots to do around the house today and it’s creeping up on 1:00 pm already. Gotta get busy. All I wanna do is take a nap. Oh well, self-discipline, right?

My Therapist Wants You To Write

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 21:03:37 GMT

(cross-posted)

If you’re reading this, my therapist requests a reply, please.

I’ll be brief. Today we had a breakthrough of sorts. For the past two years I’ve been feeding myself nothing but negative self talk, and hearing only the negative that people have been telling me. This has resulted in me not listening to the positive anymore, not from anyone. My therapist has instructed me to get one positive comment about myself from everyone that I know and reconstruct a positive feedback *tape* to combat the negative that I automatically listen to every day.

This is where you come in. I don’t know many people that I talk to in person right now so I’m kind of relying on journal comments to help me get this thing done. (Hell, about half the people I know in person right now read this anyway.) Please respond before next Tuesday so I have something to take back to therapy with me.

Thanks in advance for the help, not just for next week, but for beyond too.

Good News and Bad News

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 15:51:57 GMT

(cross-posted)

I just got back from the doctor’s office.

My blood pressure is down, which is the reason why I went there. However, there’s something else that she told me that I didn’t know. (Apparently she told my wife during a visit when we both went – we have the same doctor and often double up on doctor’s visits for economy’s sake.) When she did bloodwork on me back in December, my cholesterol was 227 (should be under 200). My triglycerides … they’re supposed to be under 150 … were 634. And my HDL cholesterol – that’s the “good” kind – was 27, where it should be over 40. I just got told to my face that I’m at risk for a heart attack because of my HDL level. So we had fresh bloodwork drawn and if the numbers come up the same or close I’m probably going to go on medication specifically targeted to lower my triglycerides and raise my HDL. Exercise can also lower triglycerides, and my sedentary lifestyle helps explain why mine are so high.

The nurse that came in to draw my bloodwork read me the riot act about my diet and my triglycerides. It seems that her father was in great shape, had low cholesterol, exercised every day, ate right, but had high triglycerides, which caused the heart attack that killed him. She was almost venomous about it. Then she said today was the anniversary of his death, and I understood her vociferousness. She missed her father, and I was a perfect target for her pain. I didn’t deserve her anger, but what she was saying to me was dead on, and it hit home.

I saw people walking on the drive home. I no longer saw them as targets for my “run, you’ll get home faster” quip. I saw them as people lowering their triglycerides and expanding their life span. I saw them as people being healthier with their lives.

For the record, I’m not upset at my wife for not telling me about this; that is, if she even knew about it in the first place. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she’d withhold from me. I think the doctor just forgot to tell both of us back in December. But if she did know, I’m not upset at her at all. I’m upset at the fact that my triglycerides are 634, something she has little control over.

I really want to make a lifestyle change. I asked her for a referral to a dietitian, and she said let’s see what the new bloodwork says. Hopefully I get the dietitian regardless of the results.

This morning my doctor scared the shit out of me. And maybe, just a little bit, this morning I hammered a nail back out of the coffin because of it.

Wheels

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 18:37:47 GMT

(cross-posted)

Yesterday we got plates on the new car.

By the way, the “new car” is not the 1997 Buick Skylark as previously posted. As my mother-in-law and her husband went to take it back to the dealership from our extended test drive, they found another car that had just been delivered, a 1995 Dodge Intrepid ES, 112,000 gently used miles, sandy brown, 3.3 liter V6, power *everything*, remote *everything*, just two little blemishes, one in the center dash where the paint’s worn off a bit in places and one on the front passenger’s door handle where the paint’s gone underneath the handle. The car has an aftermarket sunroof that I don’t care to use because of previous experiences with sunroofs, so we’re going to work up a shade for that to keep out the sun. Other than that, the care is in *pristine* condition. Didn’t need a new windshield, didn’t need to have the *check engine* light looked at, didn’t need to have the steering given the once-over, didn’t have to have the upholstery mended in places.

It’s a better car, a bigger car, with less mileage, a bigger engine, and more features.

Same price.

Moo hoo ha ha.

Eventually the AM/FM/cassette is going to get a couple of upgrades: first, one of the seven (seven, count ‘em, moo hoo ha ha) speakers is blown, so there’s a couple of door speakers in this car’s future. Then there’s the matter of getting it an AM/FM/CD package of some sort because we own precisely squat in cassettes these days. The last thing I want to get is a mobile XM radio receiver with an FM transmitter that can go from car to car and broadcast to an FM station so the in-dash FM receiver can pick up the XM signal and carry it through the car’s speakers. That’s going to be tricky. They make them now with the capability to store both XM and MP3 files (though those units are pricey) but I can’t find out how much storage it has for MP3’s on the things – just XM recording in time. Someone tell me what I want!!!

(Note to all: I do not want Sirius. Howard Stern is not a selling point. Sirius does not broadcast the ACC nor does it broadcast the NHL and the music programming is more or less the same on both XM and Sirius. You’re not going to sway me on this unless you tell me you figured out how to get Sirius free for life.)

First Annual Independence Day Rant and Writing Game

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 14:37:19 GMT

Happy Independence Day everyone!

It's kind of a short rant, actually. Note that I don't say "happy Fourth of July." Also note that I don't say "merry Twenty-Fifth of December" either. 'Nuff said about that. Today is the day that we let National Pride remind us that the Democrats and Republicans are actually on the same side; that despite the fact that we mostly elect bozos into office (it's because we don't want the other bozo that's running, you see) our government still functions, however marginally; and that 230 years ago our founding fathers came up with a beautiful concept of a country that we've been trying to get right ever since. Puff out your chests, wave your flags in the air, set off every explosive device you can get your hands on - but wait until after 10:00 pm to do it, when you're good and drunk - and be truly proud to be American today, because despite all our faults ... would you really rather live anywhere else?

OK, as you can probably tell, I'm bored today, and shouldn't be let out of the house, or onto the Internet with an opinion or a topic of my own devising. Therefore, I'm going to let you come up with one for me! Comment on this post. (Say what you want about what I wrote above, that's not what I'm asking for, though I have a feeling I'm going to get letters anyway.) Give me a topic. Make it funny, make it introspective, ask me a question, give me a scenario, whatever. Most intriguing topic at the end of 48 hours gets 250 words about their topic as a reply. I may hang on to other topics for fun later.

Entertain me, o readers ... I await with baited breath your replies ... please write before my wife complains that I have fish mouth again ...

Wow - What a Week!

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 12:44:28 GMT

(cross-posted)

I’ve just had the best week I’ve had in a long, long time.

Last Monday the Carolina Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup. This is a very big deal for me. I already posted over to Xanga words to this effect because there are a couple of readers over there that have been following the playoffs with me, so Xanga folks, bear with me for the rest of the paragraph. I was born in Raleigh, North Carolina, spent close to 26 years of my life there. This will always be my hometown. Growing up, I always wanted a pro sports team in Raleigh. It took until 1997, two years after I moved away, before it happened, but the ‘Canes made their home in Raleigh. Now that that goal’s done and out of the way, what about bring home a championship? And last Monday, that’s just what they did.

Wednesday my wife had an interview for a customer service position with a major provider of outsourced human resources services. This position pays *well,* has a *nice* benefits package that starts on *day one,* and as an extra benefit has a major operation back in Texas to transfer to should we ever be ready to move back there one day. Now, let me let you in on just how badly we need this job. I have been out of my line of work for over two years, have just recently acquired the registration in Illinois to do my job, and have recently discovered that two years is a long time to forget what you’re doing. I’m currently working part-time outside my field and don’t have a specific date to re-enter my field, but sometime within the next two to four months, we hope. My wife has been working part-time outside her field trying to re-enter her field as hard as she can. We’ve been making ends meet thanks only to family generosity, and we’ve had the extra struggle of trying to juggle two flexible schedules with one car. The only real downside to this job, in fact, is that it’s about an hour’s commute one way – plus they’re widening the road for about a third of that commute, so there’s construction traffic to boot – that we’d have to handle twice a day, three days a week, with gas at $3.00 a gallon. But we can do this – the positives far outweigh the negatives.

Friday morning we were awoken by the call to tell us she starts July 10.

Sunday afternoon we go to visit S’s mother after church (in a historic barn!) and we pull in to the driveway to discover a white 1997 Buick Skylark sitting there. Wondering who’s there, we go in, say hello, and her mother immediately takes us to see the car and tells us that she and her husband have been thinking about the long commute that S will have, the wear and tear and the gas that the double commutes will put on the car, and that we should have another car, and they wanted us to take a look at this one and see what we thought about it. It’s not in bad shape – has a dent behind the door on the passenger’s side and doesn’t have many bells and whistles – but it’s a *second car* that’s in good shape, doesn’t have bad mileage for a car that’s practically ten years old, drives well and is fairly comfortable. The deal is they buy the car, we pay them back, no interest. We’ll work the details out later. We jumped at the chance. They’re going to do a little bit of work on the car – check all the fluids, fix a few things here and there – and hopefully we’ll have it by the end of the week.

This resolves so much for us. It means that we’re not reliant on each other for transportation, that she can get back and forth to work without worrying about double commutes for me, and I don’t have to worry about what we’re going to do whenever I’m ready to go back to work full-time. We’re both going to have reliable transportation and that’s been a *huge* deal for me in my therapy. (Long, long story. Boils down to independence.) I know it seems strange, but with this one simple act of kindness on my mother-in-law’s part, I have taken giant leaps forward. (Again, long, long story. Not sure what it has to do with. I’ll let you know when the therapist and I figure it out.)

Anyway, so those were the highlights of my past week. How was yours?

A Solution!

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 11:35:21 GMT

(cross-posted)

Well, it’s Monday, and that means it’s been a week since I asked for your comments on how I should reorganize my journaling.

I got 14 comments which each said basically the same thing: I’m most apt to read your journal on the site that I read it now. Everyone who addressed the issue was willing to follow a link to another site, but few would remember to go offsite on their own to read my journal.

(I do not pass judgment on anyone for this; I have a hard enough time remembering to read my friends’ journal entries as organized for me by LiveJournal and Yahoo! 360 – Xanga sends mine to me via e-mail, so I don’t miss them – going to another site that I didn’t have an account with would be nigh impossible for me too.)

So the end result from this is that I’m going to continue to use my three accounts on my three different journaling sites to keep from losing readers, as well as to help remind me that I have friends that I have to read up on from day to day. If I have an entry that’s cross-posted to my three journals, I’ll start off the journal with (cross-posted) like I did this one. This should help to let those of you who read more than one of my journals know when I’ve sent something to all three of them. I promise that if it’s on one, it’ll be on all three. And if this doesn’t work, I can change it down the road somewhere.

Thanks to everyone for their comments.

Have Questions, Need Answers

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 03:17:23 GMT

Today I face a quandary, and I need responses in order for this post to work. Consider this a survey.

I journal. Allegedly. I have a LiveJournal that I use for random stuff, except that I hardly ever post anything to it. I have another LiveJournal that I use to update people in Texas about what’s going on in Illinois, except I hardly ever post anything to that. (That LiveJournal has a dedicated webpage to get readers to it quicker, and I still don’t post anything to it.) I have a third LiveJournal that I’ve retired that was themed to be a vineyard as a writing exercise – I’m not a wine drinker and everything I’d put into the thing would have to be carefully researched first. LiveJournal is littered with no less than seven other journals that I have started for one reason or another and no longer keep up with or flat out won’t admit to having in the first place. I have a Xanga that I rarely update, a Yahoo 360 that I rarely update, and a Blogger that I completely forgot about until just now.

The point is that I have multiple journals on multiple websites that I would consider “active but not regularly updated.” When I do update my journals, I don’t update them evenly. That is to say, what goes into my LiveJournal doesn’t necessarily go into my Xanga or my Yahoo 360.

The kicker is that my therapist wants me to journal more, for therapy’s sake.

Should I begin to do triple-cast updates – what goes into one journal goes into all of them? Should I start consolidating down into one journal for everyone to read in one place? Should I continue in my mismatched ways with the ones I have?

What about journaling for therapy’s sake? Sure, I can lock down certain entries in a particular journal, but should I create a journal to be shared online between my therapist and myself? Should I just keep on journaling in the ones (or one) I have?

Finally, I know some of you have multiple journals. Why do you have multiple journals? How do you manage them? Do you regularly post the same update to more than one journal?

OK, I’ve posed my questions to you, now please respond. I’ll be waiting. But I doubt I’ll be updating anything in the meantime.

A Truly Cathartic Laugh

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 07:28:10 GMT

This is the funniest thing I've seen in years. This is a clip from Drew Carey's version of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" It's about six and a half minutes long, but it seems so much shorter. Stop drinking, stop eating, go to the bathroom, then click below.

You'll be glad I told you to void your bladder.

Wayne, Ryan, Colin, and ...

I'm Going To Put What Through Where??

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 11:46:39 GMT